Mother's Day

Every year I still get choked up that I get to celebrate Mother's Day. I can remember all those years wishing, praying, hoping that someday I would have a child. The pain of infertility is so hard to go through. Luckily I had no idea how awesome being a Mom really is because it would have made it so much worse. I will NEVER forget that time in my life and everything I went through to be a Mother. So many doctors appointments, procedures, pills, shots, ultrasounds, I swear my car was on automatic pilot to the fertility clinic. Taking what seems like a thousand pregnancy tests and the disappointment of that big fat NEGATIVE each time.

I will never forget one Sunday morning that changed my life FOREVER. I had gone through the IVF process about 10 days prior and was so sure that it didn't work. When you go through IVF the medicine can cause your ovaries to swell up and its extremely painful. I woke up that Sunday and was in so much pain that I called the emergency line for my Doc to see what was going on. He advised us to drive to the office and he would do an ultrasound to see what was going on. Of course it was a Sunday and the office was closed so he did the ultrasound and then said that we should go to the hospital for a blood pregnancy test. We had scheduled to do this the following Tuesday so of course in my mind him telling us to go get the test meant that he just wanted to put us out of our misery so that we could move on.

We arrived to the hospital and went right to the lab, they drew my blood. We had a great nurse, we told her our situation and she was so sweet and supportive. She said it would take like half an hour and to go sit in the lobby. That was the single most stressful 30 minutes of my entire life. Nate and I sat there nervous as all hell. We prayed, I cried, he told me to relax, I told him to shut it, I cried some more, told him that we would just adopt and that maybe we were just not meant to be parents. I went through every scenario on why it didn't work. FINALLY after watching the seconds tick on my watch we walked back to the lab and what we thought was going to start a downward spiral of disappointment. The second I saw the nurse my heart stopped. She had the biggest smile on her face!! I started to shake, is it possible that I could finally get good news?? After 4 years of disappointment was it finally OUR time??

Now I should say that I ALWAYS do my research and I knew that if my HCG level was over 25 then that was considered a positive. I held my breath and finally said OK what was it?? I can't remember the exact number but it was like 500 and something. HOLY CRAP I am pregnant. Right?? She was like well you know you are but you have to call your doctor to get the final yes. Words cannot even begin to express the excitement that Nate and I felt at that moment. I immediately called the doctor and he said YUP you are definitely pregnant. He said he knew from the ultra sound and that was why he wanted us to go to get the test because he knew how nervous I was. He was like BUT you very high HCG levels so you need to know there is a big chance that you have more than one baby in there. We called Nate's parents and told them, called his sister, drove right to my parents house. Of course they all went through the disappointments throughout the years with us so they were THRILLED!

That day changed my life FOREVER. From that moment on everything became about being a Mom and it always will be. When we found out we were having twins we felt like we had one the library. Two little boys, WOW how did we ever get so dang lucky. I remember EVER night when I got in bed I would pray and just thank God that he was allowing me to be a Mom and that I would have healthy babies. I'm not going to lie, being pregnant was HARD on me. Look at me:

I was HUGE!!!! I gained 100 pounds. But it was all worth it!

This is the moment it all changed for Nate. The second the boys were born something changed in him. It just clicked and he has been an amazing father ever since they were born!!! I could not ask for a better father for my children or husband to go through this journey with!

Only a few minutes old!

Parker Andrew & Samuel Owen

Their first of MANY pictures together!!

I spent countless hours just watching them sleep!!!

So on a day like Mother's Day I always spend some time praying and thanking God for allowing me to have the privilege of raising Sam and Parker. Although not every day is perfect, or even close to it I do believe everything I went through has made me a better Mom. When the tantrums, whining and fighting goes on I think back to those "hard times" and remember how much worse it was not having all the chaos in our lives.

Thank you Sam and Parks, without you I wouldn't have a reason to celebrate!